3 AM

Its 3 AM and I still can’t close my eyes. Weird. Recently I was able to manage my time. I used to stay up late, doing nothing but browsing or chatting. But currently I realized that staying up so late could ruin your body metabolism. When you get up in the morning, you will feel much more tired eventhough you had a well sleep.

Since I graduated from college, I think I then fully aware about my ‘freedom’. This bad habit has been going on for more than 2 years. And really, I can’t stand it anymore. Plus I am an active smoker. So it absolutely adds more pain to my lazy body.

And why am I still awake till 3 AM ? Hmmm, i don’t know. Maybe I’ve been through a rough day (I spent my time cooking today), alone (my bf called and texted me zillion times today), borring (i watched funny movie!), or what else ? Hhhh.. I am not so sure.

Then all I can do now is trying to recall my memory. What has happened to me during this week ? Shouldn’t I have to be in Copenhagen now attending the climate change conference ? What’s the positive and negative thing appeared to me in my first day of this week ? Then I keep recalling and calculating all the “week-karma” !

Honestly, I am so glad to be here in my hometown where I supposed to be in Copenhagen. I can have at least some little time for me and myself. I can be more relax and do whatever things I wanted to do in my sphere times. This is the time I realized that i think since a month ago, I made a distance with people arond me. Not too close, yet not too far.

My life has been fully attached to people. I gave my time, attention, skills, ideas, etc to serve people needs. Not that its not a good idea, but sometimes I feel tired of being people’s “servant”. I don’t think I have an obligation to fullfill everyone’s needs. I don’t have any obligation too to make them feel satisfy or happy. I don’t think you should be responsible for someone’s happiness. No. Just you and yourself. Its the only long lasting relationship you could find in this world.

So, yes. I am happy for everything that I’ve decided. Making a distance for a while from life’s drama. Having a silent moment with me and myself. Rethinking about the world. Just like what I am doing now, here in my bed, at 3 AM.

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